Brittany and Jax have gotten a lot of flak over the years for ushering in the downfall of Vanderpump Rules. They were hardly the only self-producing couple on the show, but the criticism is deserved: As soon as they got back together after Jax’s dalliance with Faith threatened to break them up for good, they went on lockdown. Anyone who dared to criticize them got shouted down as they presented a united front, unwilling to admit to any more relationship cracks than they already had.
So if you’d asked me who the most authentic cast members on The Valley would be, never in a million years would I have said these two. And to be fair, Jax isn’t choosing to be authentic — it’s just that Brittany is committed to dragging it out of him. Even last season, they were still spinning the narrative that their time away from reality television had done them good and that they’d finally grown up. But now, they’re the rawest and most believable part of a cast that feels hopelessly stuck in the same storylines.
Before we get to the darkest marriage on reality television, we have to sit through a neverending rehash of the events in Maui.
Kristen and Zack are still disgusted that Janet used the term “sexual assault,” and are annoyed that Brittany won’t join in their pile-on.
Michelle, Scheana, and Janet gather to discuss Kristen’s need to defend Danny — as Michelle puts it, “liking a person doesn’t make it okay.” Scheana is right about Kristen’s pathological need to latch on to someone who she can defend to the death, but there’s projection in her belief that Kristen’s driving force is allying with “the popular girl.” It’s closer to a psychosexual obsession with women who she sees as both role models and objects of desire — first Brittany, now Nia, who represent a kind of domestic bliss that she wants for herself. (I could write a dissertation on the lunacy of believing that a relationship with Jax Taylor or one with a drunken sex pest are at all aspirational, but we’d be here all day.)
Danny and Nia, meanwhile, set up one of the most quietly diabolical scenes we’ve seen on this show. Jasmine, who is apparently a realtor, shows them what their money can get them house-wise in LA. (The answer: A shack that’s 800 square feet smaller than their condo, which seems to finally convince Nia that her dream of having a billion kids and a house in The Valley is out of touch with reality.)
After the tour is over, Danny and Nia sit down to complain to Jasmine about Janet daring to accurately describe Danny’s groping as assault. Nia, who’s doing a pretty good job keeping her anger cloaked in her pageant-girl trill, says Janet keeps doubling down on her lies and dubs her the “Voldemort of The Valley” (what is with these grown adults’ obsession with Harry Potter?). Danny calls the entire fight “malicious” and “toxic.”
We’ve seen a lot in our years watching Bravo. We’ve seen husbands call their wives horrible names; women throw glasses and flip tables; children get served with eviction papers; the aftermath of an abusive husband’s suicide. What we have not yet seen is a man who groped someone and his wife sit down to complain to the woman — excuse me, one of the women — he groped, about how upset they are that another person in their group keeps bringing up the assault.
The whole thing feels like a deflection. Yes, Janet’s motives are selfish and worthy of criticism. But what has she lied about? Even Danny has admitted by now that he sneaks alcohol and has groped women. Making Janet the enemy only serves to distract from the actual issue: that a guy who behaves inappropriately when drunk has taken zero steps to change how he consumes alcohol, even after violating two friends and coworkers.
Jasmine’s confessionals and aftershow segments say it all. Last week, she said she felt grateful that Janet had her back, but that she wished she could be the one to own her story. This week, she says that Janet continuing to bring up the assault is “bringing up more feelings that I have to relive again.” She says she and Melissa are trying to move forward, but not once has she said that she’s over what happened or doesn’t care.
Janet, Danny, and Nia (and Kristen, and Luke, and Brittany, and Zack) have spent all season making Jasmine’s feelings secondary to their own. For Danny and Nia to make Jasmine not only listen to them dismiss the only person in the group who’s dared to speak honestly about what happened as a liar, but also to use her presence to express, “See! The woman Danny groped is okay hanging out with him!” is one of the most darksided displays of reputation laundering I can remember.
Of course, it’s not even the most darksided scene from this episode. That award goes to Jax’s visit to Brittany’s house, where they’re supposed to discuss coparenting Cruz. Jax is preternaturally calm at the start of this meet, which Brittany immediately calls out: “How many Xanax did you take before you came over here?” Jax retorts that he’s taken none, but after watching him regift Schwartz’s orchid to Doute and Luke, it’s hard to believe he didn’t dip into Schwartz’s Xanax prescription too.
“You’re acting completely different than how you text me,” Brittany continues. She shares that just five days after leaving “rehab,” Jax was back at the bars. For his part, Jax says he didn’t come over here to fight and blames Brittany once again for taking his son away from him. He even tries to needle her for throwing away a 10-year relationship “just like that.”
Brittany, in a show of fortitude I would never have thought possible, reminds Jax that she tried as hard as she could to save the relationship, that she begged him to go on his bipolar medication and go to therapy, and that now, it’s too late. She has her boundaries set: She will have custody of Cruz, she will pay for everything, and all she wants is 50% of the money for their son’s medical bills. Her refusal to budge is pushes Jax into his own honesty, as he retorts that he won’t grant custody if he has to pay bills because Brittany makes more money than him.
“I cannot let Cruz be anything like you, and you should feel the same way,” Brittany says through tears. In a confessional, she tells us that nobody wants Jax to get better more than she does, but that after years and years and years of being let down, she’s lost all her faith and trust in him.
Jax’s commitment to playing the victim is incredible, and not in the good way. Unlike Jesse, who is equally committed to making Michelle miserable, Jax doesn’t have the benefit of being able to control his image anymore.
After everything we’ve seen him do in the last decade-plus, there’s just no way for him to spin a convincing yarn that Brittany is just as much the problem. All he wants is to punish her for the ego blow she dealt him by leaving. So he’s doing his best Sandoval impression, refocusing every conversation on how he was hurt without once acknowledging that this dissolution all started because of a violent domestic incident, down to the fake snuffling and tears. I half-expect him to haul in the cameras for a breathwork session of his own.
Brittany deserves credit for holding the line. She’s consistently delivered the best footage on this show — certainly the most compelling of her reality career — and every scene between the Cauchis holds my attention like no one else on this cast can. Watching her pivot from her righteous anger to vulnerable grief as she tells Jax just how sad the breakdown of their marriage has made her is a masterclass in showing up for the cameras, the kind of honesty I want each and every cast member I watch to display.
Next week is the finale, and it looks like a chaotic one. Jax yells at Nia during Michelle’s “zen party,” Zack loses his shit at Brittany, and Jesse fake-cries in front of Michelle again, and then it’s reunion time. Gird your loins, everybody — we’re nowhere near the end.