The Valley

It took ten years for Tom Sandoval to be laid so bare nobody could deny who he was. It won’t take nearly that long for Danny.

Brittany and Jax are the rawest and most believable part of a cast that feels hopelessly stuck in the same storylines.

Not only are Kristen and Janet using the only two queer women of color as a proxy for their own war, they’re also making terrible television.

The day has come: A man has proposed to Kristen Doute.

Janet and Nia are both performing for the cameras, but only one is pulling it off.

It would be very easy for Brittany to paper over the mess of this breakup, to act as if she was totally over it and looking toward the future. But it wouldn’t be real.

The best reality casts are the one with zero loyalty, and The Valley is shaping up to be just such a cast.

This season has become a discomfiting masterclass in how friend groups rearrange around sex pests so as not to ruin everybody’s good time, and how victims are pressured from all sides to not advocate for themselves.

No matter how self-interested Brittany’s motives are, I want Danny’s drinking out in the open.

The Valley heads to Santa Barbara for a cast trip, and our cast shows us just how committed they are to torturing themselves in pursuit of a paycheck.

Jesse and Danny are locked in on one another like homing missiles, each determined to use the other to deflect away from his own allegations.

Between Jax and Jesse, we are getting a masterclass in how to spot DARVO — and through Brittany and Michelle, a test of whether the fanbase can recognize harm done to people they do not like.